


Say You'll Haunt Me

by rightonthelimit



Series: Say Something [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal, Angst, Fingering, Infidelity, M/M, Sexual Content, Spanking, jealous!Tom, whiny!Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-13
Updated: 2012-10-13
Packaged: 2017-11-16 05:53:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/536207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rightonthelimit/pseuds/rightonthelimit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years have passed since Harry started his illicit relationship with his stepfather. He's feeling more ignored and lonely than ever now that Tom is too busy with work to even have time to properly touch him, and Harry ends up doing and saying things he quickly learns to regret...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say You'll Haunt Me

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to Say It Right :)

**A/N: Please do not repost, recreate or translate.**

**Say You'll Haunt Me**  
‘Say you want to stay, you want me to. Say you'll never die, you'll always haunt me. I want to know I belong to you.’

_‘Would you like it if I would get a boyfriend all of a sudden?’ Harry argued, ‘While doing… this with you? In secret?’_

_Tom’s clever touches halted once more and his grip tightened on Harry’s feet._

_‘No, I would not,’ Tom whispered. There was something dark in his eyes when he looked up at Harry. ‘I think I’d kill anyone who would dare to touch you.’_

Harry moaned softly, pressing his face deeper into the pillow. It was  _cold –_ his fingers felt like popsicles from where they were pressed up between his thighs in an attempt to warm them.

As Harry slowly blinked his eyes open and gazed at his ceiling, he mentally went over the things he needed to do today. He still had that History essay he needed to hand in, he had to work on his Chemistry project, he needed to buy Ron a present because it’d be his birthday soon… Harry sighed.

He would like to stay in bed today. Harry’d really like to pretend like he was sick today, and then stay huddled up underneath the covers all day… Cuddling with Tom… Hmm…

His phone buzzed and startled Harry, and he groaned and reached for the small device. Secretly, he already knew who was texting him.

 **Tom (07:30):**  
Wake up, Harry.

Tom was about the only person Harry knew who used proper grammar and interpunction in all of his texts, and Harry still wasn’t sure if that amused or annoyed him. It felt like another barrier between the two of them.

Harry released another long sigh and kicked the sheets off his body. His nipples instantly stiffened when the cool air hit them and Harry cursed under his breath. He should’ve worn some clothes to bed.

He would have, if his stepfather hadn’t told him to sleep in the nude.

His phone buzzed again and Harry rolled his eyes.

 **Tom (07:32):**  
Do I have to drag you out of bed?

 _No,_ Harry thought to himself with a shiver running down his spine,  _but I wish you’d pin me to the bed._

 **Harry (07:32):**  
I’m up, I’m up. You don’t have to be an ass…

Harry only typed like that when he was texting to Tom. He just felt the constant need to impress Tom – to show him that he could be an adult too. You see, Harry’s relationship with his stepfather Tom wasn’t quite normal. When it had first started, it wasn’t even  _legal._

From the moment Harry had met Tom he had known there’d been something about Tom. Tom had been acting odd and it hadn’t been until Tom had Harry pinned up against a wall with his lips persistently pressed up against Harry’s, that Harry had realized it had been because Tom wanted him. It was two years later now – Harry was 17 years old and still Tom’s secret lover.

It had been a while since they had sex but Tom liked keeping Harry on his toes. There was no telling when he’d suddenly snatch Harry by the collar and kiss him hungrily, there was no saying when Tom would sneak into his bedroom at night and make him come so hard and so many times that Harry would forget his own name.

Harry put on a pair of boxershorts and his phone buzzed again. He huffed.

Lately Tom had been busy with work, or so he told Harry, so most of their interactions were by phone or email. Harry didn’t mind much because he liked keeping Tom’s messages to think over what he said afterwards, but he missed Tom’s touch. He missed kissing Tom and with the way Tom had been spending a lot of time at the office lately, they didn’t do much of that either.

Harry brushed his teeth, combed his hair and quickly put on his school uniform before rushing down the stairs and into the kitchen. His mom had her back turned to him and was making coffee and Tom’s eyes rose from his morning newspaper. Harry could feel his cheeks flush when Tom looked at him like that and he swallowed thickly before sitting down across him.

‘Morning,’ Tom said simply but it sent shivers down Harry's spine. Tom could just sit there and stare at Harry and he’d already turn Harry into a squirming mess. It wasn’t fair how much control Tom held over Harry.

‘Good morning,’ Harry replied and he even managed a smile. He twitched when his mom pressed a kiss against the crown of his head and Tom chuckled when Harry rubbed at the spot, his cheeks still aflame.

‘ _Mom,_ ’ Harry exclaimed, feeling embarrassed beyond measure. He refused to meet Tom’s eyes now and instantly started eating his cereal when his mom placed it in front of him instead, trying his best to stop blushing so goddamn much. He was too strung up – Harry was certain that he wouldn’t be on edge so much if Tom would just touch him already. This was sheer agony.

‘You’re growing up so fast,’ Lily stated and Harry rolled his eyes and slurped from his milk. Tom made a soft disgusted noise and Harry made sure he didn’t make a sound when he took another sip from his spoon, not wanting to disgruntle the male. Tom was marking mistakes in the newspaper again. Tom had once told Harry that he always did it every morning – that it helped keeping his mind fresh, or whatever. Harry had been more interested in watching Tom’s lips move at the time. ‘I remember when you were little – well, shorter than you are now – you used to bounce on my lap while I sang you -’

Harry choked and started coughing while Tom absentmindedly patted him on the back. The touch made it  _worse,_ because Harry  _still_ loved to bounce on laps, only at this age he loved doing it with a cock up his ass and he was so sure she hadn’t meant it that way, but dammit.

One look in Tom’s eyes told Harry enough. Tom knew exactly what went on in Harry’s mind right now.

‘Don’t torture the poor boy, Lily, you know he’s not a morning person,’ Tom drawled but there was an unspoken promise in his eyes. Lily sighed and turned back to the kitchen, grabbing two steaming mugs of coffee. She placed one in front of Tom and then settled down in her own chair, wrapping her fingers around her own mug.

‘I’m  _not_ short,’ Harry finally ground out. Tom hummed approvingly and Lily sighed.

‘Sure you’re not,’ she replied in a sarcastic tone. Harry glared at her and then finished his cereal, dumping his bowl in the sink. Dammit, why did his mom have to embarrass him so much?

_‘No, you’re not,’ Tom finally argued softly with him, ‘you’re not short, you’re compact.’_

_‘Com…Compact?’ Harry parroted. Tom hummed and started nosing Harry’s temple, his lips brushing over Harry’s cheekbone when he spoke once more._

_‘To say you’re short would be implying that you lack something. But you are absolutely…’ Tom’s lips nipped at the small creased space between Harry’s eyebrows. ‘Delectable. Therefore you are compact.’_

 Harry’s expression softened a bit at that memory and he sighed and dried off his hands. He nearly walked into Tom when Tom stood behind him to place his mug in the sink too and their eyes met. Harry felt his lips moving but he didn’t say something, wasn’t sure if he could. Tom smelt nice and he  _looked_ nice – who was he kidding, he looked fucking wonderful – and Harry fiddled a bit with the hem of his shirt.

‘You need to tuck that in,’ Tom told him and Harry blinked stupidly at him for a moment.

‘What?’ he asked. Tom chuckled.

‘Your shirt. You need to tuck it in. And you tied your tie all wrong…’ Before Harry could say anything of it Tom was already loosening up his tie, his fingers brushing over Harry’s throat. Harry whimpered when Tom kept staring at him and he leaned back against the kitchen counter. His adam’s apple bobbed up and down when he swallowed thickly again and his knees felt kind of weak.

Tom’s long fingers dragged over the silky fabric of Harry’s striped school tie and he tugged – drawing Harry a bit closer, close enough to kiss if Harry would stand on the tips of his toes. Tom expertly tied a knot into it and then tightened it, his knuckles once again brushing against the tender flesh of Harry’s throat.

They stared meaningfully at each other for a short moment and Harry tensed up when his mom cooed.

‘You two look so handsome,’ she stated with a soft smile on her face. She was standing right next to them now and oh, Harry really wanted to kiss Tom right now. To be denied of the touch of Tom’s lips was like being denied of water after having spent days in the desert, or something vaguely poetic like that.

Tom smirked and finally released Harry’s tie. Harry fought the need to lean forward, ask him to touch him again.

‘Yes, we do,’ Tom agreed. Harry licked his dry lips and Tom followed that movement for a while before glancing down at his watch. He sighed. ‘I have to go or I’ll be late for my meeting. I should be home early tonight.’

Harry was uncertain if he was saying this to them both or just to Harry. He felt kind of dizzy with their close proximity. Harry jealously watched as Tom kissed his mom’s cheek – never her forehead though, forehead kisses were reserved for Harry – and then closed his eyes when Tom ruffled his hair, his fingers dragging on through his ebony strands perhaps a bit too long. When Harry opened his eyes again, he caught a glimpse of Tom walking out of the door and not much later the front door opened and slammed shut again. He didn’t need to look to see Tom’s car driving out of their driveway and he trembled in longing.

He more than often wished that things could be different.

Harry brought up a hand and started tracing his lips, frowning a bit to himself. Tom didn’t kiss Lily on the lips anymore, at least not around Harry, but he couldn’t help but feel jealous. Harry blinked up from his thoughts when he heard his mom sigh.

‘What is it?’ Harry murmured, only vaguely interested. Lily shook her head.

‘He forgot his lunch.’

She held the plastic lunch box she always put Tom’s fruit salads in in her hands with a frown on her face. Blinking at it, Harry slowly smiled while an idea overcame him.

‘…I can take it to him, if you want,’ Harry offered and he could slowly feel his mood lift up again. This was a great excuse to visit Tom. ‘I mean, my school is pretty close to his building. And he does hate having to leave his office for food.’

Tom had once stated that over dinner when Lily had asked him what he’d like for lunch the following day. It was silly how Harry remembered all those little details about Tom, but he couldn’t help it. Try as he might, he was still just a lovestruck teenage boy with a sexdrive way too demanding to be healthy.

Lily finally nodded with a dejected sigh. Harry knew she wouldn’t have the time to drop it off at Tom’s work, even if she wanted to. Harry smiled at her.

‘Just let me get my backpack, okay?’ Harry turned around and walked out without waiting for an answer, perhaps with an extra bounce in his step. It wasn’t like he could help himself anyway. It’s been too long since they were together, alone.

Harry grabbed his backpack and shoved a tube of lube in his pocket, his stomach clenching and his fingers feverish in anticipation. He said goodbye to his mom, grabbed Tom's lunchbox and his own, and then walked out.

 

 

* * *

The class periods that lead up to lunch were torture. Harry was antsy and never seemed to be able to relax and pay attention to his teacher, staring at the clock on the wall that was ticking away minutes instead. Ron was grumbling under his breath at the amount of homework they got while Hermione eagerly scribbled down what to hand in by next week, and Harry was all too aware of eyes staring in the back of his head.

Harry nearly knocked over the owner of said eyes on his way out when it was finally time, and for a moment their eyes met. Cedric blinked and then flushed, fumbling a bit and bending down to help Harry pick up his books.

‘I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t startle you,’ Cedric mumbled. Harry hummed.

‘It’s fine,’ he offered, smiling. Cedric’s eyes stayed to his lips and then flicked back to Harry’s eyes. It was like he was terrified Harry might have caught him staring. ‘I’ll see you around, Cedric. Have a nice lunch break.’

Harry got up and shoved his books into his backpack. Cedric raised his hand in a weak wave, but Harry was already gone.

‘Yeah… You too,’ Cedric murmured, his heart fluttering in his chest.

 

 

* * *

‘Sir, you can’t go in –  _sir!_ ’

Harry rolled his eyes at Tom’s annoying secretary and walked past her, right into Tom’s office. He’s been here maybe only once or twice before, after all of Tom’s employees had been gone and Harry had visited him when he’d been working overtime. That particular desk Tom was sitting at held some memories that made Harry feel hot and achy between his legs.

Tom paused from where he had been typing on his computer to glance up into Harry’s eyes. Harry lamely waved his hand at Tom, about to say something when Tom’s secretary rushed in as well.

‘Sir, I am so sorry, this boy here just walked in and -’

‘This  _boy_ happens to be my stepson. Now leave us, Bellatrix.’ The look in Tom's eyes was nothing short of genuine annoyance and Harry was kind of relieved it wasn't aimed at him. He should've texted, Harry vaguely thought to himself. Tom took his job very seriously.

Bellatrix gaped at Tom before she glanced at Harry, and then she turned on her heel and walked out. Harry shut the door behind her and put down his backpack, pulling out the Tom’s lunchbox. Harry sometimes wondered to himself why Tom really ate that stuff when he could afford going to 5 star restaurants in his lunchbreaks. He must really hate going out while he was at work.

‘You forgot your lunch,’ Harry offered. He knew that the way he was looking at Tom was almost hopeful, and he was starved for any sort of affection right now. Tom was a busy man, Harry got that, and it wasn’t like their… Situation could allow them to actually do much on a frequent base. He just missed Tom.

That was all.

 Tom’s eyebrow kicked up and he leaned back in his chair, a little smirk playing at his lips.

‘No I didn’t,’ Tom drawled. They stared at each other for a while before Harry grinned knowingly and placed the lunchbox on his desk.

‘Sorry, let me rephrase that – here’s your lunch. Sir.’

Tom’s smirk grew.

‘That’s better.’ He beckoned for Harry to come closer and Harry did, licking his lips when Tom gripped his hip and pulled him even closer. A breath of relief escaped Harry’s lips. Tom’s body felt like home, it felt warm and comfortable in all the right ways. His mind briefly went back to his mom commenting on how much Harry used to love bouncing in her lap and that in turn brought back certain mental images, and he bit his lip. He didn’t want to grow hard right now – he didn’t want to come over too eager.  Tom caressed the side of Harry’s face.

‘You look delectable in your school uniform,’ Tom murmured. His fingers wrapped around Harry’s striped tie, just feeling the silk slide between them, in the way he had done this morning. There was something indescribably erotic about that simple gesture and Harry couldn’t quite figure out what it was about Tom that made him want to touch him nonstop. Tom hummed when Harry sat down on his lap, pliant and eager. ‘I can’t wait to fuck you in it again.’

‘When?’ Harry instantly asked, his muscles tensing in anticipation. If it was up to him Tom would fuck him right here. He wouldn’t care if someone saw or not.

Tom chuckled.

‘Patience is a virtue.’

‘With all the sinning we’ve done I doubt that virtues would help us,’ Harry replied, a small frown on his face when he realized Tom again didn’t have the time for him. He had known Harry would come to bring him his lunch, but he didn’t want to have sex with Harry. What was this about?

Tom cooed and brushed his fingers over Harry’s eyebrows as if smoothing out his grumpy expression. He said nothing in reply.

‘Tom, it’s been two week,’ Harry whined, rocking back and forth on Tom’s lap, trying to coax him into a state of arousal. ‘C’mon.’

‘I have a meeting in 10 minutes,’ Tom replied. Harry huffed.

‘Cancel it.’

This time Tom frowned.

‘I can’t. Don’t you have school?’ Harry shrugged. He was pouting – he could feel it. Lately he’s been feeling so distanced from Tom and it only had little to do with the lack of sex. He feared that Tom was growing sick of him.

He was sure that Tom would’ve canceled his meeting if Harry had asked him to when they just started doing this.

‘Yes,’ Harry grumbled. Tom was right though – Harry’s lunch break would be over in 20 minutes. If he didn’t hurry he’d be late for class. Harry got up from Tom’s lap with a frustrated sigh and he paused when Tom gripped his wrist. He pulled Harry down by his tie and kissed him – slowly, almost sweetly. Harry wondered to himself if maybe Tom didn’t find him sexy anymore. This is the way he used to kiss Harry’s mom, before he started cheating on her with Harry.

The thought was frightening.

Harry gripped the back of Tom’s head and opened his mouth for him, his tongue flicking over Tom’s bottom lip just teasingly, just to make the kiss a bit more dirty, as if wanting to prove a point.

Tom sucked on Harry’s bottom lip and then released him with a final nip.

‘Have a nice day, Harry,’ he murmured. Harry’s eyes lingered on him and then he sighed again.

‘Yeah, whatever,’ Harry mumbled sulkily in reply. He got his backpack, flung it over his shoulder and walked out. Sometimes Harry wished he could just date a boy from his own age, someone who didn’t have a woman - other than their own mom - waiting for him at home. Sometimes Harry didn’t see reason why he shouldn’t look for a guy like that.

 

 

* * *

‘Tom, can you help me with my math homework?’ Harry asked meaningfully during dinner that night. Tom glanced up from where he had been cutting his steak and he released a soft sigh, looking a bit displeased. Harry wondered to himself if Tom was displeased by the question Harry just asked him or by the answer he was about to give Harry.

‘I’m afraid I can’t. I’m working on a project and it needs all the time I can put into it.’

‘Oh.’ Harry tried not to sound as disappointed as he felt and he carefully schooled his features, knowing he looked indifferent from the outside. He had practiced a lot, wanting to be like Tom. Inside Harry still felt like nothing short of the boy he used to be when Tom had taken his virginity. ‘Okay.’

He stabbed a piece of meat on his fork and started eating again. His mom patted his shoulder and Harry fought the need to glare at her. Why did she seem so hellbent on touching him when he least wanted her to?

‘Would you like me to help you, sweetheart?’ she asked him. Harry glanced at her from underneath his lashes before he shrugged.

‘You can’t. You failed in math, you told me that a while ago.’ Lily’s cheeks turned a faint shade of pink but she didn’t deny that. Harry was right and they both knew it. That’s why Harry had said he needed help with his math homework, and not his English homework.

‘If you’d like we could hire you a tutor…’

‘Tom always helps me,’ Harry argued. He didn’t look at the male. He felt betrayed somehow, because Tom wasn’t backing him up with this the way he usually did. Why wasn’t he agreeing with Harry? Besides, it wasn’t like they actually  _always_ had sex when Tom was supposed to help Harry with his homework – Tom really did help him. Tom was smart and made things clear for Harry when they seemed so difficult and Harry didn’t want a tutor.

He just wanted Tom.

‘Well, Tom is a little bit busy…’ Tom still wasn’t saying anything. Harry’s grip tightened on his fork and he finished eating, dropping his fork on his plate perhaps a bit too loudly. He wasn’t looking at Tom.

He didn’t want to say things he’d end up regretting.

‘You know what?  _Fine._ If Tom can’t do it then I’ll find someone who will. Problem solved. May I be excused?’ Harry got up without waiting for a reply. His mom blinked at him in surprise.

‘Don’t you want desert?’

‘No, I’m going to need all the time I can get for my homework. Maybe I’ll look online for a  _guy,_ ’ Harry emphasized that word because he knew Tom didn’t like it when Harry was around other men, ‘who wants to teach me a couple of things.’

‘Oh – Well, then good luck.’ Lily frowned to herself and Harry nodded. He left the room and tried to keep from stomping up the stairs like he felt like doing. Stupid Tom.

Asshole.

‘Project my ass,’ Harry huffed. He dropped down onto his bed and scowled at his ceiling. Tom used to  _make_ time for Harry if he didn’t have any. What happened to that? Didn’t Tom say Harry was adorable and sexy? Did he change his mind?

Harry groaned in frustration and pressed his face into his pillow. This was fucked up. Tom had cheated before, he was cheating right now on Lily by being sort of with Harry. Would he cheat on Harry too? If he hadn’t already? Harry felt so helpless – he didn’t have any say in this at all and it was entirely upsetting. In the beginning he hadn’t minded Tom being so in control because that meant Harry didn’t have to worry… But now that Harry was slowly growing older he was learning that he  _needed_ control. He needed to be able to stand on his own two feet every now and then.

It was hard to do that when Tom constantly swept Harry  _off_ his feet.

‘So I don’t fuck you for two weeks and you’re instantly going to look for another cock to sit on?’ The irritated tone in Tom’s voice didn’t come as a surprise, if anything, Harry had been expecting it. Harry didn’t look up and he just kept lying on his bed, glaring at nothing in particular and feeling more angry now that Tom was close to him. Maybe it was Tom’s sense of entitlement that got to Harry the most. The fact that Tom was arrogant enough to just be able to say those things, like Harry was in the wrong, like Harry was some  _slut_ even though he had never actually seen having sex with another person as an option, was infuriating. It felt like Tom saw Harry as some possession, some toy to play with every now and then.

The bed dipped with Tom’s weight and Harry’s stomach clenched. He was uncertain if that was because of his initial anger or their close proximity.

‘I don’t remember saying that,’ Harry snapped venomously. He still wasn’t looking at Tom because he kind of wanted to hit him, and he knew Tom would only get angrier if he did. Tom huffed.

‘You implied it.’

‘I imply a lot. Nice to know that you only care about shit that you don’t like.’ Tom suddenly gripped Harry’s chin and sneered at him. Harry glared back at him from over his shoulder. ‘Are you mad?’

The look in Tom’s eyes said enough. He  _was_ because Tom wasn’t used to Harry lashing out to him. Tom was used to the fifteen year old boy who whimpered and whined when Tom would touch him. He was used to the boy who came to him for guidance, not to the boy who dared to ask questions and demand things.

‘Stay mad, I don’t give a fuck.’ Harry slapped Tom’s hand off and shifted so there was a little bit of distance between of the two of them.

Harry wouldn’t cry though. He  _wouldn’t._

He refused to.

‘Why are you being so childish?’ Tom snapped. Harry glared at him.

‘Because in case you didn’t notice I  _am_ a kid. It’s what kids do. I’m sorry I can’t be a boring old man like you.’

‘Boring?’ Tom parroted incredulously, like it was a filthy word he didn’t wish to speak of at all. Harry didn’t say anything in reply, he simply kept staring at Tom. ‘Is that honestly how you see me?’

‘I don’t know how to see you, Tom. I don’t even know if you still see  _me._ ’ For a moment Harry regretted saying that. He'd never been this open with Tom about his feelings, not like this, and it felt strange to just talk to him. Therefore, Tom suddenly kissing him didn't come as a surprise. It was familiar ground by now.

Harry instinctively gripped the collar of Tom’s shirt and pulled him close. There was a rush of blood that went to his head and his palms started to feel sweaty. No, talking just made Harry feel uncomfortable, because that wasn't the base of their relationship, if they even had one. Harry had  _missed_  this, this closeness, the smooth feel of Tom’s lips and the scent of Tom’s cologne and coffee slithering up his nostrils. When Tom’s weight pressed him into the mattress Harry couldn’t help the keen that spilled from his wanton lips.

It was like it was Tom’s mission to steal Harry’s breath, his every thought and his common sense away. By the time they parted Harry leaned forward in an earnest attempt to chase after Tom’s lips, unsatisfied and hard and achy. Harry released a soft whine and fisted Tom’s shirt.

But Tom wasn’t undressing him.

‘Don’t you worry, I definitely still see you,’ Tom breathed. Harry stared up at him in confusion. He felt like a fish out of water, he kind of felt like he had to learn how to breathe again. He was dizzy with the emotions and  _needs_ that rushed through him, persistently and achingly so. Harry realized Tom wasn’t going to touch him any more.

‘Why are you even here?’ Harry whimpered rather than spoke. He felt humiliated, angry,  _used._ Tom's kiss was amazing, it always was, but... ‘Shouldn’t you work on your  _project?_ ’

‘I wanted to ensure that you wouldn’t do anything stupid,’ Tom replied. He didn’t even seem fazed by their heated kiss.

 _I wanted to ensure that you wouldn’t find someone else,_ that was what Tom was really saying. It was clear as day and once more Harry’s anger returned to him and left him bitter and confused. Harry pushed at Tom’s chest in disgust at himself and at the other male. The teen did not understand how they’d both gotten into this mess, how they went from fooling around to hurting each other like this.

Or, at least, Tom hurting Harry like this. Above all, Harry did not understand why he felt this ridiculous need to just talk to Tom. Sex was all they knew, so why bother for more?

‘Go away. I want to be alone,’ Harry demanded because he knew he wouldn’t be able to think with Tom near. Thinking was already hard enough with the memory of Tom’s lips, his hands, his  _cock_ etched into the back of Harry’s mind.

‘To touch yourself in peace?’ The smug tone in Tom’s voice made something snap inside of Harry and he snarled and shoved Tom harder in the chest. Tom finally seemed to get that Harry was being serious.

‘To  _think_ in peace, you asshole!’

Harry still wasn’t going to cry. He refused to. No matter how much his eyes were stinging, no matter how bitter or lonely or  _rejected_ Harry felt, he wasn’t going to cry because he was a big boy and he knew better than that.

And when Tom simply got up and indeed left, Harry didn’t feel disappointed. Not at all.

 

 

* * *

Cedric was one of Harry’s classmates. He was around Harry’s age, a straight A student and a total teacher’s pet, handsome in a way that made the girls in class swoon over him and the boys would glare at him in envy and… He was bisexual.

Cedric was perfect.

And he was going to be Harry’s new tutor.

Ever since last week Harry had kind of been ignoring Tom, and Tom had seemed pretty fine with that. Harry couldn’t understand why and it was entirely upsetting – Harry was driving himself mad with his own thoughts, with his own musings, with the possibilities of Tom finding someone else. It  _hurt_ to think that way.

Harry bit his lip in anticipation, sitting on the couch and staring at the tv along with his mom while Tom was reading a book. Harry’s fingers were drumming on his thigh and he couldn’t suppress the giddy feeling in his chest. Cedric could be here any moment now.

Harry would make sure Tom saw him before Harry would take Cedric up his room.

Harry glanced at Tom from the corner of his eye, his fingers pausing when he realized Tom had already been staring at him. He fought the need to smile. He guessed that whereas trying to make Tom jealous was childish, it was his only way of finding out if Tom still  _cared._ If Tom still cared and was simply giving Harry the cold shoulder because of reasons Harry didn’t fathom… Tom was going to be so pissed off.

The doorbell rang and Harry was up before anyone else could’ve even said something, hurriedly walking to the front door and opening it. Cedric was all smiles and happiness the moment he caught sight of Harry, and Harry fought the need to smirk.

Yes. Cedric was more than perfect.

‘Come in,’ Harry said with a happy smile on his face and Cedric nodded and thanked him.

‘My mom made a couple of apple pies, she had some left, so…’ Cedric showed the pie and Harry kept smiling. Cedric’s family owned a bakery near Harry’s house and more than once had Harry caught Cedric staring whenever he passed the little shop. Harry hoped Cedric would stare at him today just as much as he usually does.

‘You’re staying over for dinner, right?’ Harry asked. Cedric nodded again. They’d discussed this at school already – Harry could clearly remember the surprised M _e? You want me to tu-tutor you?_ Cedric had stammered and the convincing smile on his own face. Harry couldn’t help but feel deliciously naughty at this. If Tom was so keen on ignoring Harry, then Harry would just have to make himself noticeable right? Harry wasn’t even thinking about the attention Tom would lavish him with if he’d be angry… Nope, not at all…

‘I’m gonna introduce you to my mom and Tom and then we’re going upstairs, okay?’

‘Sure,’ Cedric instantly replied, rocking back and forth on his feet like a giddy child. Harry almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

They walked into the living room and Tom’s eyes instantly narrowed at the sight of Cedric. Harry put up a great show of brushing his fingers over the inside of Cedric’s wrist, his eyes dead set on Tom.

Tom’s grip on his book tightened until his knuckles paled.

‘This is Cedric, he’s going to help me with my homework,’ Harry stated. His smile was still in place but there was something mean in Harry’s eyes that he couldn’t suppress. Let Tom suck on that, stupid asshole that he was.

Lily was oblivious to what was going on between her boyfriend and her son. She got up and shook Cedric’s hand, catching both teens by surprise.

‘Oh, it’s a pleasure to meet you!’ she said happily. Cedric looked a bit flustered and he nodded, handing over the pie.

‘Nice to meet you too, Mrs Potter,’ he murmured. A look of sadness crossed Lily’s features but in the end she said nothing of it. Instead she started complimenting Cedric on the apple pie and told him that they were going to have it for desert, and she hurried off to put it in the fridge before she could be tempted to take a piece.

‘Hello, Cedric,’ Tom drawled in a certain voice as soon as she was out of the room. There was a quiet rustle of paper when Tom dog-eared his book and let it fall shut, and then a  _thump_ followed when he placed it on the coffee table. There was a certain tension in Harry’s body when he heard the rustle of Tom’s clothing when he stood up and Harry bit the inside of his cheek to keep from whimpering when he could feel Tom’s body right behind him. They were so close that Tom’s chest brushed against his back whenever either one of them took a breath and Harry regretted having turned his back to Tom, leaving himself defenseless.

Tom placed a possessive hand on Harry’s shoulder and squeezed it, the promise of  _later_ , the promise of  _you are in so much trouble_ unspoken.

Harry kept his eyes trained on Cedric’s face.

‘H-Hello, mister Po-’

‘My name is Tom Riddle, Cedric. You would do best to remember it.’

Harry swallowed thickly. Fuck.

He  _knew_ that tone.

‘Of course, sir. Um.’ Cedric looked at Harry, helplessly, and Harry nodded at him. His throat felt incredibly dry and his knees were shaking but he couldn’t fathom why. Tom hadn’t done so much as speak to him, why was Harry so… So frightened all of a sudden? So  _aroused_?

‘Cedric and I will be going to my room,’ Harry managed to say, punctuating those two last words. By now it was pretty obvious his plan had worked but Harry forced himself to follow through and push Tom right to the limit to get the maximum results he wanted to get. He shrugged Tom’s large hand off his shoulder carelessly while anticipation was building up in his body, making his skin tingle and feel hot. ‘Cedric’s eating dinner here, so we'll be downstairs again in a couple of hours.’

Harry turned around to look Tom in the eye and he gulped. Tom looked so menacing, so  _angry,_ so… Murderous.

_‘I think I’d kill anyone who would dare to touch you.’_

The memory hit Harry all of a sudden and he had to do everything he could to keep himself from running. Tom just kept staring at him, utterly unimpressed.

‘Have fun  _studying,_ ’ Tom stated and Harry couldn’t remember ever having heard so much coldness in Tom’s voice before. He wanted to say something, wanted to ask if he had gone too far this time, if he had messed everything up, but he couldn’t. Not with Cedric in the room.

Harry knew that Cedric’s presence was the only thing keeping Tom from lashing out.

‘I will,’ Harry promised him defiantly with a confidence he didn’t feel. He even had the nerve to smile when Tom scowled at him. ‘Come, Cedric. Let’s go to my room.’

Harry turned around and gripped Cedric’s hand, leading him out of the room. His heart was beating fast in his chest and he felt like he had just broken an unwritten law between the two of them, instead of just bringing someone home to study with.

Well, whatever. If Tom couldn’t handle it then he should’ve made time for Harry earlier. He should’ve been there for Harry when Harry needed him.

‘No offense,’ Cedric murmured when Harry lead him up the stairs, ‘but… Mister Riddle -’

‘My stepfather. He’s my stepfather and his name is Tom,’ Harry replied automatically and why did that make him flush? It wasn’t like he had just admitted to Cedric that his stepfather actually fucked him… Well… Used to fuck him… Was it because just saying the word made Harry remember how  _wrong_ this was? How sick and fucked up this entire situation was? Could be. Harry just found himself disliking the word. He preferred saying lover.

‘Right. He’s kinda creepy, though.’

‘Creepy, huh,’ Harry parroted stupidly. He opened his bedroom door for Cedric and hummed to himself as he mulled that over. Tom was… Demanding, aggressive,  _sexy_. Harry didn’t think that creepy was the right way to describe Tom, but maybe the way he made Harry feel was. Yeah, Harry would settle for that.

Cedric rubbed the back of his neck, a bit discomforted by his new surroundings. Harry didn’t blame him. He never knew where to sit or what to do when he was in a new place either.

‘You can sit on my bed, or whatever,’ Harry mumbled. Cedric nodded eagerly and smiled, and then flushed when he sat down on the bed. The bedsprings creaked a bit under his added weight.

Harry wondered how much Cedric would blush if he’d tell him that right there, Harry’s creepy godfather had fucked him from behind and made Harry swallow his come. Harry wondered what Cedric would manage to stutter if he’d tell him that Tom had pressed Harry against the wall he was sitting across and had fucked Harry’s mouth there.

Come to think of it, there actually wasn’t a single room in this house where Harry and Tom hadn’t done  _something_ sinful, besides Tom and Lily’s bedroom. Harry refused to do anything there. That just… That was a bit too much.

But then again, Harry wondered who he was to draw a line if he’d sucked Tom’s cock under a desk while his mom had been there and had gotten off from it too. Harry was sick and perverted and he felt ashamed of himself. Above all, he felt ashamed of how he didn’t even regret it. Tom had shaped him into someone needy, someone desperate for not only a good fuck every other night but some attention too. Harry loved Tom’s eyes on him, loved Tom’s hands on him. He would take anything Tom had to offer and Tom knew that.

Maybe that was why Tom was so angry right now. Because it looked like Harry was denying Tom his favorite toy – Harry's body – and was giving it to someone else.

Harry wished that he didn’t feel guilty. He wished he was able to feel a sense of victory, but somehow seeing Tom upset made Harry feel wrong. Like he should’ve known better than that. Was this what growing up meant?

‘Harry? Are you okay?’

Harry met Cedric’s kind eyes and he nodded meekly. He felt guilty for Cedric too. He wasn’t sure if Cedric even liked him in  _that_ way but if he did, he’d given Cedric wrong vibes. He hoped Cedric wouldn’t have the courage to tell Harry that he was in love with him.

‘I’m fine,’ Harry replied. He even managed an encouraging smile and he sat down on the bed next to Cedric. He shook his head to himself. He just had to focus on what Cedric was here for now because there was no use for crying over spilt milk. Harry would have to deal with Tom later because honestly, even if it was a little too late to realize that Harry should’ve thought this through instead of acting upon his emotions, Tom was an adult. He should know that Harry had friends and was bound to bring them over, whether they were male or female. It was Tom who had never put a label on whatever they had, anyway.

Harry felt a little bit justified by that knowledge and he found his shoulder relaxing again. He grabbed his books and calculator.

‘So, about math…’

 

 

* * *

Tom was – unsurprisingly – quiet during dinner. Harry tried not to focus on it too much because Tom was usually always very quiet and he’d usually only say a couple sarcastic comments, but it seemed that Tom was even too angry to be funny.

This was kind of really bad.

Harry played a bit with his fork and ate. He tried to avoid the glares Tom sent in his direction, tried to reach under the table with his foot and play footsie with Tom like they’d done so many times before. Tom pulled his legs out of Harry’s reach when his sock clad toes bumped into Tom’s calf.

Harry couldn’t help the sad sigh that escaped his lips.

Harry knew that he rushed into things, but wasn’t Tom making a too big a deal out of this? Harry sipped from his water and listened to his mom and Cedric happily conversing about cooking or whatever. At least they were having fun.

‘Tom,’ Harry whispered, soft enough to not override his mom’s and Cedric’s voices. Tom’s eyes connected with his instantly and Tom dragged his tongue over his spoon. Harry blushed.

Harry glanced unsurely at Lily and then at Cedric but they hadn’t noticed. Harry licked his lips before smiling hopefully at Tom. Tom scowled and averted his eyes again. 

Well, shit.

When they were done eating Harry was positively sulking and he didn’t know if he felt better at the knowledge that Tom obviously still cared, or worse at the knowledge that Tom was really angry at him right now. Harry started cleaning off the table and forced himself to smile and tell Lily and Cedric that it was okay, that he didn’t need help. He walked from the dining room into the kitchen with his hands full of plates and he froze in the hallway when Tom started following him.

Tom and Harry usually always cleaned off the table together, eager for every chance they could take to be together. Usually Tom would use this opportunity to whisper dirty things into Harry’s ear. Now, Harry was actually dreading being alone with him.

‘Tom, I’m -’

‘Hand me a dishrag, will you?’ Tom demanded rather coldly. Harry frowned but complied and their fingers brushed. Their eyes met and then Tom looked away again, a sneer on his lips. Harry wondered why Tom had come along if he was going to behave like this.

‘Please don’t hurt Cedric,’ Harry murmured, pouring some dish soap into the sink and placing their dirty plates and cutlery into the hot water. Tom didn’t say anything to acknowledge him and simply dried off the plates Harry handed to him. ‘It’s not his fault. He’s a friend, and he came to help me…’

Harry wasn’t sure why he was explaining himself. It wasn’t like he owed Tom an explanation, right? They weren’t officially together, for as much as that hurt Harry… Harry wasn’t 18 after all… And even if he had passed the age of consent, he knew what it could do to Tom’s reputation if he showed up with a kid as a lover. It could ruin Tom’s credibility… Even when Harry would be 18 he’d be pushing it. Tom was 14 years older than him, after all.

‘We’ll see,’ Tom finally stated. Harry glanced at him and nodded, deciding not to push it. He didn’t know what Tom was capable of but sometimes, Tom scared him.

‘Can… Can I have a hug? Please?’ Harry stammered almost childishly and he winced at the sound of his own voice. Tom finished drying off their final plate and he sighed and dried Harry’s wet hands too. His hands felt warm and familiar and Harry couldn’t help the content sigh that escaped his lips. It wasn’t an embrace, but at least it was  _something._

At least Tom wasn’t so angry he’d break things off with Harry.

‘This isn’t over yet, I’ll have you know that,’ Tom stated. Harry’s lips parted but he couldn’t say anything, so in the end he just nodded. ‘I am  _very_ angry, Harry.’

‘I- I know,’ Harry stammered. ‘And I’m really -’

‘Save it. We’ll see how sorry you are when I get you alone.’

Tom’s eyes narrowed as if daring Harry to contradict him but he didn’t. He felt like he’d just been scolded by one of his teachers and Harry was ashamed of himself. He should’ve tried harder to talk to Tom – Tom was reasonable most of the time. They could’ve figured this out in a mature way.

‘Can… Can I just say I love you?’ Harry mumbled. Tom paused from where he’d been pulling away from Harry. His eyes were hard but Harry felt encouraged by the fact that Tom was keeping his hands to himself. He knew it was only because anyone could walk in on them at any minute now, but still… If Tom could constrain himself enough to keep from touching Harry right now, then he could definitely hold his breath a little longer. ‘Because I really do. Love you, I mean. And  I was just -’

‘What is taking you two so long?’

Lily startled both Tom and Harry and they both turned their heads to look at her at the same time. Tom placed the dish rag on the counter and stepped close to her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Harry's stomach sank at the sight of it and he hoped Tom wasn't doing what Harry thought he was doing.

‘Nothing, lovely. Harry was just telling me how much he enjoyed dinner. It was delicious.’

But for as much as Harry dreaded to admit this to himself, Tom totally was. Tom was openly seducing Lily to get back at Harry and it hurt. Harry’s hands twisted in the hem of his shirt and he wanted to hit Tom, wanted to scream at him to stop being so unfair. His initial anger simmered back into his chest again and when Tom leaned down to press a kiss against Lily’s waiting lips, Harry walked straight past them and shoved Tom with his shoulder.

Tom paused from where he’d been pushed forward into Lily’s body and looked into Harry’s tearful eyes.

‘ _Sorry,_ ’ Harry stated, his lips quivering. It felt like Tom had just twisted a knife into his heart because Tom had  _promised_ he wouldn't do this anymore. He had promised Harry that he wouldn't touch Lily like this anymore, not in front of Harry, because he knew what it did to Harry to have to watch.

‘Harry, what -’

‘Dinner was nice, thanks. I’m going on a walk with Cedric.’

Tom’s eyes narrowed at that and Harry walked away. His heart was racing in his chest – never had he ever tested Tom like that but then again, never had Tom betrayed him like that.

It bothered Tom to see Harry with Cedric? Fine. Then Harry would do exactly that.

It was Tom's own fault.

 

* * *

Harry came back around 10 pm.

After Cedric had constantly asked him what’s wrong and why he was upset, Harry eventually got enough and lashed out at him. It was stupid, it was mean and it was uncalled for because it wasn’t Cedric’s fault that Tom was mad at Harry at all – it had been Harry’s decision to make Tom jealous. Still, the mental images of Tom blatantly flirting with Lily stuck with Harry and had rendered him bitter and seething.

Harry couldn’t get rid of the image of the hurt look on Cedric’s face, either.

He had instantly apologized but Cedric had been upset and eventually Harry had walked Cedric home, filled with self-loathing and doubt. He had awkwardly hugged Cedric and asked him if he wanted to come over tomorrow again.

Cedric had offered him an uncertain smile and had said that it’d be fine with him. Harry told himself to give Cedric something tomorrow, just something small. For as much as he was in love with Tom, he hated making others feel bad about themselves. Cedric was really sweet and now that Ron was dating Hermione, Harry didn’t have a lot of friends. He didn’t want to grow dependent of Tom.

He felt like he already was.

Harry stepped into the house and wasn’t surprised to find his mom asleep on the couch. Tom was in his study, of course he was. After reassuring his mom that he was okay and that he had just needed some fresh air, Harry took a quick shower and went to bed.

When the door creaked open, Harry wasn’t even surprised. He just wasn’t instantly aroused either. It seemed like the Pavlovian response Harry had for Tom was slowly ebbing away and Harry was uncertain if he was happy or sad about that.

The door closed behind Tom again and Harry heard the floorboards creak underneath Tom’s weight. Tom wasn’t wearing his shoes anymore. He must’ve taken a shower or a bath because he had this strange habit of staying clothed in his suit and fancy shoes all day.

The bed dipped with Tom’s weight and they still didn’t speak. Harry kept staring blandly in the distance and he was vaguely reminded of last time they had sat in this exact same position.

_‘So I don’t fuck you for two weeks and you’re instantly going to look for another cock to sit on?’_

How wrong Tom had been. How could Harry tell him that Tom was the only one on his mind? That Harry was in love with him and that he wished that Tom would see that Harry couldn’t possibly want anyone more than he wanted Tom?

‘Did you have fun?’ Tom inquired finally. It was stated a little bit too innocently and if Harry hadn’t known Tom the way he did he would’ve simply thought that Tom had been merely interested. But he did know Tom. And he did know what he was really asking.

‘Less fun than I always have with you,’ Harry replied evenly. He left it up to Tom to interpret it and when Tom’s hand found his wrist and wrapped so tightly around it that Harry could feel his bones grinding together, he figured Tom took it the wrong way.

‘You kissed her,’ Harry murmured as if vindicating everything that had taken place tonight. Tom turned around and his eyes glimmered in the darkness. When he stradled Harry and leaned down so close that their noses were almost touching, his hair brushed over Harry’s forehead. It was damp.

‘You held his hand,’ Tom replied. They stared at each other for a while but it wasn’t a comfortable silence. It was loaded with unspoken accusations, with hateful glances.

‘What are you going to do about it?’ The challenge in Harry’s voice was weak, but it was there, and it angered Tom. He could tell by the narrowing of his eyes, the furrowing of his eyebrows and the thin line of his mouth. Harry had traced that line one day, cooing in Tom’s ear as he sat on his lap and purring filthy things until Tom had relaxed. He’d been upset because of something business related.

‘You’re a filthy cunt,’ Tom hissed at him. Harry just kept staring up at him. Did Tom honestly believe that Harry had sex with someone else? The thought was strangely hurtful. Harry knew Tom’s jealousy didn’t come from insecurity – it came from possessiveness, but still…

Wasn’t Harry even allowed to have friends? At all?

‘You’re a right bastard,’ Harry snapped at Tom. That somehow seemed to make something snap inside of Tom – Harry yelped in surprise when Tom abruptly turned him around and pressed him into his bedding, Tom’s pelvis pressed against Harry’s bottom. Tom was hard and his fingers were vicious as they pried Harry’s pajamas off, just enough to expose his ass.

Tom pressed Harry’s face into the pillow and spanked him.  _Hard._

Harry’s entire body jolted with the sheer force behind the hit and Harry’s cry of pain was muffled into the pillow while Tom just kept  _smacking_ him. He alternated between Harry’s cheeks to his thighs, leaving Harry’s skin stinging and turning a dark shade of red.

And the worst was that Harry was growing hard from it.

Maybe it was the sheer humiliation that made him aroused, or maybe it was simply because Tom’s hands were touching him  _there._ Either way, Harry found himself clawing at his sheets, panting, mewing and whining with each brutal slap. He had really pissed off Tom too much. Tom usually only slapped him there once before he’d finger Harry open and fuck him.

‘Did you like that?’ Tom growled, pressing Harry harder into the mattress, the cotton of his sweats pressing against Harry’s stinging ass, while his hand found Harry’s throat, ‘do you like men looking at you, huh? Do you like flaunting your whore ass around like that?’

Harry whined. He was aching for it already – he arched his back to press his ass against Tom’s crotch because it had been too long. All it served to do was make Tom snarl and his grip on Harry’s throat tightened. There was a brief moment of panic when he wouldn’t let Harry  _breathe,_ but it was only when Harry started wheezing that Tom let go and turned him around again. Harry was dizzy with it, dizzy with arousal, with fear, with  _anger._ He lifted his hips because his ass hurt too much and the sheets felt like sandpaper against his skin.

Tom’s eyes were dark and frightening but Harry wasn’t backing down. He just gripped Tom’s shoulder and pulled him down, kissing him hungrily, kissing him in a way he hadn’t dared to even think of mere years ago when he’d still been afraid of Tom and his larger body.

Now, it just turned Harry on.

‘Then why don’t you show me my place?’ Harry murmured against Tom’s lips, his teeth tugging at Tom’s bottom lip, ‘Huh? Maybe it’s not my fault – maybe you’re just not man enough to -’

Harry choked on his words when Tom gripped his cock, a broken mew falling from his lips. He gasped and his eyes widened when Tom dug his nail into the sensitive head of his manhood. A dull throb went from his ass to his cock and Harry wasn’t sure if it was pleasurable or downright painful.

‘Is that so?’ Tom hissed, not even one hint of amusement in his eyes, no mercy. Harry almost regretted it. Almost. He knew what they say after all – mess with the bull, and you get the horns. ‘ _I’m_ not man enough for you?’

‘It’s been two years, Tom,’ Harry whispered. He whimpered when Tom gripped his arms tightly, so tightly it would bruise, he was sure of it, and he bit his lip to keep from crying out when Tom bit his neck. Harry obediently took off his shirt without being told to and he stared at Tom with wide eyes, his toes curling in the bedding.

Tom didn’t acknowledge what he said. Harry tried to say something else but his voice was muffled by Tom’s lips, his tongue persistent and rough.

He jolted when Tom smacked the inside of his thigh and his tender flesh instantly started stinging. Harry's ass still hurt.

‘Is this all you’re good for?’ Tom asked almost hatefully and Harry dug his nails into his sheets, closing his eyes tightly. ‘Tell me, Harry, is this all you’re  _worth?_ Are you just a pathetic, whiny whore?’

Harry shook his head and his legs were spread wide apart, thrown over Tom’s shoulders. He could feel the familiar dribble of lube over his ass and he shivered as he noticed Tom pushing his sweats down enough to expose his cock.

Harry froze when he felt the blunt head of Tom’s cock press against his hole.

‘Tom – you, you  _can’t_ -’ he gasped, because it would be too much, he already had trouble taking Tom  _with_ preparation and -

‘I  _can’t_?’ Tom snapped. His fingers were leaving behind bruises on Harry’s hips, Harry knew this for sure. Again panic overcame him, fear that he had pushed Tom too far this time, and even if Harry’s traitorous cock was hard between his legs, he didn’t want Tom to hurt him. Tom rubbed his cock through the lube on Harry’s bottom and Harry wished he could just  _talk_ to Tom. But it was a little too late for that. ‘Didn’t he fuck you too? Isn’t your ass loose from his cock?’

‘I’m sorry,’ Harry whimpered, nearly sobbing. He was scared – Tom may be rough with him at times, but he was never cruel to Harry. He usually never hurt Harry intentionally and his words were mean and stung more than the slaps he had delivered against Harry’s bum. ‘I’m sorry – I’m  _sorry_ , I didn’t mean to, I just wanted you to look at me -’

‘I  _always_ look at you,’ Tom hissed venomously, his lips now close by Harry’s ear. Harry didn’t dare to try to get up and put some distance between their bodies. He wasn’t sure if he even could. ‘Don’t you think it drives me mad to know how I can’t  _touch_ you when you’re pulling shit like this? How I have to sit around and  _watch_ you flirt with that lovesick fool?’

‘I’m sorry,’ Harry insisted, releasing a choked little sob. He let Tom wrap an arm around his body and Harry’s legs slipped down from Tom’s shoulders to settle around Tom’s waist. Harry arched his spine and winced when the soft cotton of Tom’s sweats brushed against his sore bum as Tom pulled him into his lap. Tom’s fingers trailed over Harry’s ribs and Harry’s breath was quickened, his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip. His cock was still straining against his belly and he could feel Tom’s shaft large and threatening against his flat belly.

‘I thought that you didn’t like me anymore, I just wanted to make you jealous, but I  _swear_ we didn’t do anything…!’ Harry picked up in a high squeak when Tom dug his nails into one of his cheeks and spread them. Cool air hit his quivering entrance, but Harry reckoned it was better than feeling Tom just shove himself into him. He didn't need to look to see that the slaps Tom had delivered to his ass had rendered the skin pink, maybe even bruised it up a bit. He felt enflamed, there.

‘You’re a spoilt brat,’ Tom stated. Harry didn’t dare to object and he swallowed thickly, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down, his balls drawn tight. The breath of relief he released when he finally, finally felt Tom trail his fingers down his spine, between his cheeks, over his entrance and then  _inside_ , was deep and drawn out. ‘I stop paying attention to you for just a little while and you instantly pull shit like this. It’s ridiculous. You stupid, stupid child.’

‘I just love you so much. I was scared you’d do the same to me as you did to my mom,’ Harry instantly replied, his voice wavering when Tom crooked his fingers up. He wasn’t taking it slow with Harry – he had started off with two fingers and he was adding the third already. He was making Harry feel the sting of being stretched too far and too wide on purpose but at least he wasn't doing it so rough that he'd tear Harry open.

‘And you thought that this was the right way to tell me?’

‘You wouldn’t – ngh –  _listen_ ,’ Harry choked, his hands resting uselessly by his sides. Tom’s arm was still around his waist – holding him there, helplessly. ‘I tried – you dismissed me, I don’t have any control or any say in this and I -’

‘You’re right, you don’t,’ Tom agreed with him. He stabbed his fingers harshly inside of Harry and Harry cried out, feeling so empty suddenly when Tom pulled them out altogether. He pushed Harry in the bed again and Harry’s eyes finally met Tom’s. He didn’t look angry anymore, if anything he only looked… Tired?

‘But Harry, if you ever thought that being with me meant that you’d be in control in any kind of situation, you were so painfully mistaken.’

Harry opened his mouth to reply, but all words left him when Tom lifted up his hips and started pushing inside of him without warning, stretching Harry out almost further than he could take, the burn familiar but leaving him breathless nonetheless.

Harry released a long, drawn out groan and arched his back, his eyes wide and his mouth opened in a silent scream while the tendons in his neck strained. He tried to relax his muscles but he just couldn’t. It’s been so long since they’d been like this and Tom’s words were completely shoved to the back of Harry’s mind when Tom started thrusting, utterly plowing in and out of him, rocking Harry back and forth on the bed. Each smack of Tom’s hips against his ass was torture and set his skin aflame again but still pleasure rocked through Harry as well. It settled over him like a thick blanket.

Tom planted a hand on each side of Harry’s head and sucked on a spot on Harry’s neck. He didn’t seem to care about leaving marks this time and if anything that seemed to be his intention – if Harry had been able to properly think then he would’ve realized that that was because Tom was so very possessive over him.

Harry reached for Tom’s hands and held them tightly, digging his nails into the pale skin. Tom hated it when Harry scratched him, he knew that – Tom always said that his mom was shocked to see the marks and would act flustered when Tom would tell her that she did it herself. Tom didn’t like leaving behind evidence of them doing this.

But Harry did. Harry needed it, needed Tom inside him and around him as often as possible so Tom could just to anchor him down to the reality that this  _was_ real, that this was really happening, and that Tom really was Harry’s lover.

Above all, Harry didn’t want to be a secret anymore. He felt like sometimes, Tom was ashamed of him. Harry didn’t even care about hurting his mom’s feelings anymore.

He was 17 now and he’d be 18 this summer. It was almost time. Just a little bit longer, he told himself, and then they’d make it official. It just pained Harry to think that he’d have to remain in the dark for so many long months to come.

‘Oh!’ Harry gasped when Tom hit that spot inside of him, that one spot that always made his back arch and his toes curl. He clung onto Tom’s hand tighter and tried to will Tom to be so desperate for Harry as Harry was for Tom, but he feared that maybe that just couldn’t be. Maybe it was impossible for Tom to feel this desperate.

It was hard to tell.

Tom’s long fingers wrapped around Harry’s cock and he started pumping him – Tom wanted this rough and quick, the way they always did it when they were in a hurry. Harry didn’t care for drawing it out, not anymore. He just wanted to come and fall asleep in Tom’s arms even if it meant that Tom would be gone the moment he’d slip into sweet oblivion. He wanted to feel like he belonged to Tom, no one else.

Tom’s punishing thrusts never relented, never stopped from hitting Harry in all the right ways, and his free hand didn’t stop from bruising Harry’s hips. The only thing that gave Tom away were his eyes. A tremor went through Harry when he looked right into those blue, blue eyes.

There was a certain sadness in Tom’s eyes and Harry realized that this was why Tom had been so quiet. Normally Tom always insisted on making Harry practically gag for it with his words alone in the full knowledge that words were essentially what Harry adored most.

Harry released a long, drawn out moan that was quickly muffled by Tom’s mouth and they kissed hungrily. Harry’s back bowed when he felt the sharp sting of Tom’s blunt nails in his skin and then he was done.

He came over his own quivering stomach in long, hot ropes of come, emotion after emotion crashing down on him until Tom pushed him down harder into the bed and fucked him so hard and fast that Harry almost felt disorientated by it, uncomfortable and acutely aware of the ache in his bottom.

And when Tom filled him up with come, Harry didn’t feel satisfied in the way he used to be. He didn’t feel smug because Tom always came in Harry, but used a condom when he was with Harry’s mom. Harry didn’t feel happy when Tom would always press this long, deep, lingering kiss to Harry’s lips when he came and he didn’t feel sated by the thought that  _Harry_ had done this – that he had made Tom come.

Harry just felt a deep longing in his chest for the sadness in Tom’s eyes, wishing that he could bottle up this secret vulnerability in Tom and keep it somewhere safe.

Somewhere only they could access it.

Tom collapsed on top of Harry and Harry didn’t protest even though Tom was heavy. He just pressed his face into Tom's neck and willed himself not to cry, because Tom was so right. Harry was a spoilt brat. Harry was too used to getting what he wanted.

He just feared that he couldn’t get what he wanted most.

 

 

* * *

‘I have to go,’ Tom murmured into Harry’s hair. The boy made a soft, displeased noise but was pliant when Tom unfolded Harry’s arms from his waist. They had rolled around a bit and Harry had ended up lying on top of Tom, wincing every now and then when he’d lie on his back. Harry would have trouble walking and sitting, for a couple of days.

Tom glanced at the alarm clock. He’s been here for an hour – how reckless. Lily could’ve woken up from her nap and gone looking for him any moment now.

Tom sighed and pulled his sweatpants up.

‘Tom?’

Tom glanced over his shoulder. Harry looked young like this –his hair messy, his skin bare and a loose fist rubbing at his eyes. His other hand reached blindly for his glasses until Tom took pity on the boy and handed them to him.

Harry smiled and something inside of Tom softened and warmed. He reached out a hand and brushed his knuckles over Harry’s cheek and Harry nuzzled the palm of his hand.

 _Like a cat,_ Tom mused to himself.  _An affectionate, stubborn, stupid,_ endearing  _cat._

‘I’m sorry,’ Harry mumbled. Tom hummed.

‘It’s okay,’ Tom said even though it was really,  _really_ not. Tom did not know what had overcome him and he did not know what had made him lash out the way he had. The thought of anyone ever doing this to Harry was… Infuriating.

At least Harry’s had his punishment now. Tom trusted Harry wouldn’t do it again.

He kissed Harry’s forehead and bid him goodnight, and then walked out of Harry’s bedroom. Tom wondered to himself why he allowed himself to be with someone he didn’t even care for when he had someone so much more precious in his life already, ready and eager to replace her.

 

 

* * *

Tom watched Harry more than usual the following day. Tom left the office early and waited for Harry to come home from school, watching Harry drop his heavy backpack with a dull thud to the floor and watching Harry take off his uniform jacket. Tom watched as Harry yawned and rather crudely sunk down on the couch next to him, their thighs and shoulders touching, while Harry hissed and raised his hips to push a pillow under his ass to make himself more comfortable.

When Lily made a comment on the rather impressive hickey on Harry’s throat, Harry had just smiled and shaken his head, his eyes lowered shyly while he insisted that Cedric wasn’t his boyfriend and that he already liked someone else. Tom felt smug and oddly touched by the way Harry didn’t cover up his mark. Harry wanted people to  _see_ he was Tom’s.

Tom watched Harry eat, watched Harry talk. When Diggory came over Harry made it a point to sit in the living room where Tom could keep an eye on them and Tom watched as Harry completely ignored Cedric’s heart eyes and shy compliments every now and then, Cedric’s gaze wandering off to Harry’s neck every now and then.

That made Tom smirk. Because  _that’s right, I fucked him. I fucked him hard and I made him beg for it – do you honestly think you stand a chance against me, you stupid child?_

Tom watched Harry head to bed and Tom watched Harry while he slept. He pressed a soft kiss against Harry’s mouth when he was certain Lily was asleep and woke Harry up for a quick round of lovemaking – God, that’s what they did now, wasn’t it? – and then watched Harry as he fell asleep again. He’d had to go slow, because Harry was still sore from yesterday. Tom hadn’t minded.

Tom had to conclude that Harry really wasn’t that special. What he did wasn’t spectacular and he wasn’t amazingly intriguing. Harry was annoying and a brat.

But Tom was in love with him and Tom wondered to himself if this was karma biting him in the ass for all the times he’s taken advantage of boys who’d just been like Harry – innocent and young too.

Harry sighed in his sleep and Tom couldn’t agree more.

 

 

* * *

‘Hey,’ Harry mumbled that Friday, knocking on the door to Tom’s study before peeking his head in. Tom glanced up at him and leaned back in his chair, twirling a pencil between his fingers. Tom still had his reading glasses on and he’d been going over a contract for the third time, looking for loopholes his business partners may be able to use against him. He’ll have his attorneys look over it again.

‘Hello,’ Tom replied, wondering to himself what Harry wanted of him. Harry had seemed oddly calm these past days, not at all bothered by Tom telling him he didn’t have the time for him. Instead Harry had offered to help. It had surprised Tom how soothing it had been to work with Harry in the same room – he had expected to be distracted, but Harry had simply been humming happily to himself as he put all of Tom’s folders in alphabetical order. He still wasn’t quite over how sweet the kiss Harry had pressed against his forehead had been.

It had been the first time anyone had ever kissed Tom’s forehead. The act was strangely… Respectful. Now that he knew how enjoyable it was Tom vaguely wondered if that was the reason why Harry's face lit up like a Christmas tree whenever Tom did it to him. He'd been doing it more often, lately.

‘Do you have a minute? It’s not about – um. About sex, or anything.’ Tom’s eyes raked over Harry’s frame for a moment, absentmindedly thinking to himself  _That’s a pity_ and studying the way Harry was holding something behind his back. He could feel his eyebrow kicking up in intrigue and he decided to indulge Harry.

‘…Alright,’ Tom replied hesitantly. Harry licked his lips and smiled, his cheeks rosy and his eyes lighting up. He didn’t close the door behind himself – he must be serious, then. He walked up to Tom until he was standing right in front of his desk, and then held out a piece of paper, still smiling giddily.

‘Someone’s happy,’ Tom observed, his eyes never leaving Harry's face as he took it. Harry was practically rocking back and forth on his heels and he nodded eagerly.

‘Look.’

Tom chuckled and looked down. Oh, it was Harry’s report card.

Tom released a soft breath and was about to prepare himself for a long talk with Harry about the importance of good grades but he was pleasantly surprised to see it wasn't even that bad. In fact, Harry’s lowest grade was a B-. His last report card had been a complete disaster where his highest grade had been a C.

‘Well?’

Tom’s eyes lingered on the card for a little longer before he abruptly got up and Harry squeaked when Tom wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug. Tom was uncertain what made him do it and he couldn’t remember the last time he had, in fact, embraced anyone on his own validation but... This was a very pleasant surprise. If Harry kept it up like this, he wouldn’t have to repeat the year after all.

‘I’m proud of you,’ Tom murmured into Harry’s hair and Harry finally sighed and relaxed, closing his eyes and nuzzling Tom’s chest.

‘I’m glad,’ Harry sighed and indeed he sounded relieved. Tom paused from where he’d been stroking his fingers through Harry’s hair and took a bit of distance from him – just enough to be able to look him in the eye. Harry looked… Sad?

‘Why?’ Tom asked with a small frown on his lips. Sure enough, Harry had done this to save his own ass, but Tom was growing suspicious at the sight of Harry’s expression. He placed his hands on Harry’s shoulders and stared him firmly in the eye.

Harry looked a bit awkward for a moment, and he ran a hand through his hair before smiling nervously up at Tom.

‘You’re smart, yeah? I wanna be smart too. For you. I know I’m a shitty brat most of the time but I really do love you. I’m trying to be an adult, but sometimes it’s difficult. And I’m sorry for that.’ Tom paused, a frown taking place on his face. Harry sighed and brushed his fingers over Tom’s before leaning forward and pressing an almost shy kiss against the hollow of Tom’s throat. ‘I just wanna be someone you can be proud of, Tom. Someone’s who’s worth standing by your side.’

For a moment, and this may be the very first time it happened to Tom, Tom didn’t know what to reply to that. This took him by complete surprise and Tom didn’t know what to do with any of the information he just received. He understood it, he just couldn’t progress it.

Because Harry was actually serious about this and even if Tom had known it secretly, nothing Harry had said or done had actually pointed out that Harry wanted a future with Tom. Just that he wanted Tom to look at him, notice him.

It was overwhelming.

‘Thank you, Tom. I'm finally growing up and I appreciate that you're there to watch me.’

Harry finally pulled away from Tom and this time it was Tom who leaned forward to keep Harry closer for a second longer, and the realization shocked Tom. His eyes had fallen half lidded and he realized he didn’t want Harry to leave at all.

Harry had turned the tables with one little act and the worst was that Tom didn’t even mind at all. He thought it was beautiful to see Harry like this because it was new – it was a side of Harry he hadn’t seen before. Harry was persistent and rushed into things but he honestly seemed to have thought this through and the sentiment was... Endearing.

Before he knew it he had Harry’s chin clasped in his long fingers, knowing he had yet to say a word, but unwilling to come up with anything witty to say. Tom wanted to savor this look in Harry’s eyes, this happiness and vulnerability.

Tom noticed that the reason why this entire conversation, this  _moment_ was so shocking to him, was because Tom had made Harry  _happy._ Tom had never seen Harry truly happy before. He’d been too busy intimidating Harry, bending Harry to his will.

Astonishing what a few words could change.

Tom wondered to himself what three other words would do to Harry, to whatever they had. Harry’d been saying them so carelessly and Tom wondered to himself what  _if_ , what if he were to say them right now? What if he’d tell Harry that this wasn’t about sex anymore, what if Tom would tell Harry he felt these disgusting things for Harry too?

‘Harry, I -’

‘Am I interrupting something?’

Tom’s hand dropped from Harry’s chin as if burnt and it was like someone had poured a bucket of ice cold water over the both of them – Harry’s eyes lingered on Tom’s face, completely ignoring his mother who was standing in the doorway with a confused expression in her eyes.

Tom realized he hated Lily Evans, in that small moment.

‘Tom, don’t,’ Harry whispered and Tom glanced down at Harry again. Harry was still staring at Tom with that strange expression on his face and Tom couldn’t quite decipher it – couldn’t quite make sense out of it. What did Harry want of him?

More importantly – what made Harry think Tom would care?

Tom scowled and then looked back at Lily.

‘Harry was just showing me his report card,’ Tom finally explained. The words tasted wrong in his mouth, somehow. He wasn’t even lying, and if he was – so what? Tom didn’t care. He had lied plenty of times before, he had  _manipulated_ a teenage boy into sleeping with him, for God’s sake. 

 

 

* * *

If only it had stayed at that. Things would've been so much easier.

‘Really now?’ Lily asked. ‘Why don’t you go to your room, Harry?’

Harry kept standing right in front of Tom and seemed to ignore his mother. They were definitely too close and Lily would want an explanation, anything, and Tom tried to will Harry to leave already so he could save them both a whole lot of trouble.

But Harry didn’t move at all. He kept staring at Tom and Tom could see now that Harry was truly no longer a boy. He was a man. Something had happened and it had changed Harry.

Tom felt like he wasn’t as much in control as he’d like to be.

‘Tell her,’ Harry finally demanded, his voice certain. Tom didn’t budge, wanting to kick Harry out already, and Lily blinked in confusion.

‘Tell her!’ Harry snapped. Tom and Harry stared at each other for a while and Lily didn’t know what to say. Her mouth opened and closed. ‘If you don’t, I will.’

‘Tell me what?’ Lily finally managed to ask. Tom looked livid and when Harry turned his head to look at Lily, the intensity of his gaze left her breathless.

‘Tom and I have been going behind your back.’

‘Harry -’ Tom hissed at him, but Harry continued.

‘Tom cheated on you. With me.’

Lily released a humorless laugh, her eyebrows rising to her hairline. Tom could feel his hands tightening into fists and he fought the need to smack Harry over the head, because they were supposed to  _wait_ , and what the hell did Harry think he was doing?

‘This is a joke, right?’ she asked incredulously, but they weren’t laughing with her. Lily swallowed thickly and her green eyes bored searchingly into Tom’s blue eyes, and then into Harry’s eyes. Her eyes, they’ve been told. People always said Harry had her eyes and James’ face.

Lily’s heart sank. It felt like someone had just pulled the rug out underneath her feet, rendering her to fall and fall and fall.

‘I... Why?’ she managed to bring out. This was surreal. This couldn’t be happening and this had to be some sick kind of joke, right?

_But then why weren’t they laughing? Why did Tom look so angry? Why did Harry look so… Void of emotion?_

‘Because Tom likes boys half his age more than that he likes middle aged moms.’ The slap was hard and unexpected and Harry cried out in pain. Tom was cradling Harry in his arms in mere seconds and the look he shot Lily was murderous.

She sobbed and the sting that went through her hand seemed to go through her entire body, to her  _heart_. Tears welled up in her eyes and she aimed them at Tom, at the way he was holding Harry. It suddenly all made sense. Tom’s secretive behavior, the way he’d sometimes be gone at night, the way Tom and Harry looked at each other… Why hadn’t she noticed this before? How could she have been so  _stupid?_

‘You fucking bastard,’ she managed to say, her voice wavering, ‘you pedophile!’

Tom kept glaring at her. He hadn’t said a word so far and that was fine with Lily. She was uncertain if she would be able to listen to any of his lies. Everything they did, everything she gave up for him – it was all so disgusting and vile. She had nothing anymore, had given up her own house, a house that she had bought with  _James,_ and for what?

‘Did you do this with your father too, Harry?’ Lily snapped and hot tears spilled over her flushed cheeks. Why did Harry always have to ruin everything? Why did he always have to come in between?

‘Of course not -’

‘Then why?! I gave up everything for you! Why did you have to ruin this for me?!’

‘I started it,’ Tom stated. Two pairs of identical green eyes aimed at him. ‘Harry didn’t mean to hurt you.’

Harry’s cheek was turning a dark shade of red and Tom caught Lily’s wrist when she tried to hit him again. She cried out in pain and frustration and struggled, and if it hadn’t been for Harry clinging to Tom’s free arm and begging them both to just stop it already he would’ve surely slapped her silly. Lily stared at Tom in shock and pain and Tom snarled at her. The desire to just snap her wrist was great.

Tom’s own aggression caught him by surprise and he slowly came to his senses again when he heard Harry crying, begging him to just  _let go_. When Tom finally did so Lily lingered in front of him, her eyes flicking from Tom to Harry, before she abruptly turned around. Her red hair danced around her head.

When Harry took a hesitant step forward to follow her and Tom stretched out his arm to keep Harry from doing so, he didn’t protest.

And when ten minutes later Lily slammed the front door so loud that the sound echoed through Tom’s entire house, they didn’t speak at all. They both had a hard time believing they'd finally done it at such a wrong time.

 

 

* * *

There is this saying about being careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.

Harry stared at his ceiling and wondered at that for a moment. His head hurt and his heart throbbed in his chest, but he didn’t fully comprehend why. Or, no, he actually did.

Harry hadn’t considered the fact that when he’d come clean and would finally, openly be able to be with Tom, he’d lose his mom in the process.

Harry’s legs almost automatically kicked off the sheets from his body and he got up, his feet padding over the floorboards. He didn’t knock on Tom’s bedroom door before entering it, didn’t say a thing when he lifted Tom’s sheets and didn’t do anything but  _breathe_ when he settled in bed next to Tom.

Harry stared at the ceiling again and he was still restless. The pillow smelt of his mom’s perfume and he frowned to himself and flipped it.

That was better. Not perfect, just more bearable.

‘What are you doing?’ Tom murmured, his voice hoarse with sleep. Harry glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

‘I couldn’t sleep,’ he whispered in reply, wincing at how childish he sounded. Tom sighed and Harry twitched when Tom reached out his arms and pulled Harry into his chest, holding him. They’d never slept together, Harry realized. They just had sex and maybe a few emotional moments together. Harry didn’t know how to behave himself.

‘Better?’

Harry mulled that over for a moment. He had no idea where his mom was right now. Harry had left the lights in the hallway on, so Tom will get pissed at him for that when he is fully awake. He was kind of worried that he’d accidentally kick Tom in his sleep and he was scared that his mom hated him now and his cheek hurt. Harry was so emotionally drained and so physically tired that he just couldn’t sleep, and also, the deadline for his Chemistry project was tomorrow and he'd completely forgotten to work on that so Snape would have his head tomorrow.

But he was alive. And he was in Tom’s arms.

And that wasn’t perfect, but it was bearable.

‘Better,’ Harry mumbled. He nuzzled Tom’s collarbone. Maybe he just couldn’t accept it because it felt so unreal. His life had suddenly changed so much… Maybe tomorrow would be kinder. Maybe…

Harry stifled a yawn against Tom’s skin and reveled in Tom’s embrace. He was warm and his skin was soft, his arms strong but his grip lax. His breath was fanning over Harry’s forehead, in and out, in and out – steady. He must be asleep already.

Harry couldn’t help but think that when Tom had been with his mom, he’d never slept around her. Harry now wondered to himself if Tom had maybe taken naps at the office.

Maybe he’d taken naps with Harry. Harry would never know now.

Harry shifted but he couldn’t get comfortable. It felt wrong to be lying here while his mom was out there somewhere, emotional and heartbroken. It dawned in on him that he’d been so blinded by his love for Tom that he’d almost forgotten about his love for his own mother. And how vile her words had been…

There’d been a moment of clarity after the fight Harry and Tom had earlier about Cedric. Tom had been rough with him, yes, but it had been the way he’d been careful with Harry afterwards that had counted. Even if Tom had never told Harry he loved him, Harry sort of already knew he did.

That knowledge had encouraged Harry enough to start working on himself. He’d tried to start thinking things through before he acted, he did his best even more at school, he tried to keep from getting into anyone’s way and to voice his honest opinions when asked for them.

But Harry now knew that he still had a long way to go.

Harry sighed and pushed himself up again. He couldn’t sleep here. Not when Tom had slept here with Harry’s mom. Not when this was where their mess had all began.

‘Where are you going?’ Tom asked. His voice didn’t sound as hoarse as it had before – so maybe he hadn’t fallen asleep again, then. Harry frowned to himself and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He felt like a zombie when he walked out of the bedroom and he was only vaguely aware of Tom following him.

And when Harry started pacing in the living room, all Tom did was sit down, run a hand through his messed up hair and  _sigh._

‘I don’t want to talk,’ Harry insisted without having been asked a question, because he didn’t even know if he  _could_ speak properly. There was so much going through him all at once. It was strange and frightening.

‘Could you at least sit down, then? You’re giving me a head ache.’

Harry glanced over his shoulder in annoyance at Tom but he paused when he realized that Tom looked exhausted. It wasn’t a look Harry had seen on Tom’s face before and he was uncertain if he should be frightened or not. Tom had never looked this  _open_ before.

Harry walked over to where Tom was seated and then Tom sighed again and buried his face in Harry’s chest, his hands snaking around Harry’s waist. Harry didn’t protest when Tom arranged them so that Tom was leaning his back against the armrest with Harry in between his long legs, Harry’s back against his chest.

Tom’s nose brushed against Harry’s ear and his arms tightened around Harry’s body.

‘The bed was more comfortable,’ Tom murmured dryly and Harry hummed. The lights were still off in this room – their features were weakly illuminated by the lights upstairs.

Harry felt tired all of a sudden. He turned and Tom made an annoyed noise when Harry climbed into his lap, Harry’s face buried in Tom’s neck, Tom’s face buried in his hair.

He still wasn’t comfortable.

‘She’ll be fine, Harry,’ Tom murmured into his ear, ‘she’s a grown woman. She raised you on her own, for God’s sake.’

It shouldn’t have gotten to Harry the way it did. It shouldn’t have reminded Harry of all the things she had given up for him before, and it shouldn’t have reminded Harry of the raw  _pain_ in her eyes when he’d told her. Harry didn’t know what had overcome him but it had been in that moment that he’d known that he couldn’t let Tom just pretend everything was okay, anymore. Harry wouldn’t have been able of living with himself or Tom, if they had. Not after Tom had told him he was proud of him.

Harry sobbed.

‘Harry? Are you-’

‘I don’t know what overcame me,’ Harry whimpered suddenly, and it was like Tom had cracked him open without intending to do so. ‘I was doing so well, you were  _proud_ of me – and then I got jealous and… We’re really in a lot of trouble right now, aren’t we? I wanted you so bad that I didn’t even stop and think about mom’s feelings, and now she’s somewhere by herself, and she -’

‘She’s with her parents, she texted me a hour ago,’ Tom replied. His hands were rubbing Harry’s back soothingly and Harry bit his lip. ‘But yes. We’re in a pile of horse shit, it’s just that that will stay the same throughout the night. Might as well get some sleep. You’ll only be more testy when you have less sleep than usual.’

Harry rubbed his eyes and put a bit of distance between their bodies, sitting on Tom’s knees now instead. ‘How are you so calm about this? I… I just really expected you to freak out. To be mad at me.’

‘No use in crying over spilt milk,’ Tom drawled. He cradled the back of Harry’s head and pressed a kiss against his forehead. The simple gesture sent chills down Harry’s spine. ‘If anything, I’m mad at your mother for hitting you.’

‘I deserved it,’ Harry mumbled, absentmindedly rubbing at his sore cheek. Harry preferred Tom’s kind of punishment. ‘I stole you from her.’

Tom laughed, making Harry frown at him in confusion. Their eyes met and Harry huffed. ‘What’s so funny?’

‘I just think what you said is funny. You didn’t steal me from her, Harry. I stole  _you_ from her.’ He tightened his grip on Harry all of a sudden and stood up, and Harry gasped and wrapped his legs around Tom’s waist to keep from falling. Harry was uncomfortable with how easily Tom picked him up. He needed to eat more, he was far too thin.

‘Where are you taking me?’ Harry demanded.

‘Bed.’

‘Not yours, right?’ Harry asked, clutching Tom’s shoulders. Tom paused.

‘Why not?’ he tentatively asked.

‘Because… You slept with her. There.’ Tom stared at Harry with a strange expression in his eyes, like he couldn’t quite fathom what Harry was trying to say. Harry rested his hand on the back of Tom’s head and ran his fingers through the silky strands. He found the feel of them quite soothing.

‘Fine. We’ll sleep in your bed, then,’ Tom finally sighed. Harry smiled and pressed a kiss against Tom’s forehead to mirror Tom’s earlier act.

‘Okay.’

Harry supposed that listening to Tom for just once wouldn’t be so bad.

 

 

* * *

They slept for the first time together that night. No sex – just actual sleeping. They had the heater on but it was still quite chilly, so they had to cuddle up close to keep each other warm. Tom learned that Harry’s toes felt like fucking clumps of ice whenever they’d brush over his calves, and Harry learned that Tom sometimes squeezed Harry a bit too hard in his sleep.

Despite the fact that they were in so much trouble, despite the fact that they had so many unresolved issues and probably, logically speaking, would never be able to  _work_ as a couple, they both woke up more rested than ever. They both woke up too late to go to work or school so they just decided to stay inside.

Tom and Harry didn’t speak more than necessary. They’d already done enough of that yesterday so instead, they just basked in each other’s presence and questioned themselves why they hadn’t actually thought of just treating each other like equals before. It seemed to make everything easier.

 

 

* * *

Lily came back the following day to return Tom his key and ask Harry to come live with her at her parents’ house for a while. Harry refused and cried, trying to figure out a way to make it alright again, but she told him that unforgiveable things had happened.

Lily didn’t hate Harry but her opinion of him had entirely changed. Their relationship would never be the same and she was willing to take her responsibilities and take care of Harry because he was still her son, but she didn’t want to hear or see of Tom anymore.

Lily described Harry’s relationship with Tom as fleeting, she said Tom had manipulated Harry the way he had manipulated Lily. Harry was so confused about all of this that in the end, he had agreed to come along with his mom, in fear of never seeing her again otherwise.

Tom had been eerily quiet during the conversation. He hadn’t said a word when Harry had finally succumbed to his mother’s wishes, and when Harry had stuffed with his backpack full with enough clothes to last him only two days, all Tom had done was awkwardly ruffle Harry’s hair. Tom didn’t know how to express his feelings.

Harry was hurt. He didn’t know whether he should believe the words his mom had said or the things he had witnessed in Tom’s attitude and body language and everything else.

Harry’s eyes lingered on Tom, the promise of returning unspoken. Lily shot Tom a dirty look and then gripped Harry by the wrist, pulling him to her side. A look of possessiveness crossed Tom’s features.

‘I will let someone come over for all of my and Harry’s things, Thomas,’ she snapped icily. Tom said nothing to her, he just kept staring at Harry like she wasn’t even interesting to him. She probably wasn’t.

Harry swallowed thickly and he realized his heart ached. He feared that if he were to leave now, he wouldn’t see Tom anymore. He’d have no reason to, right? Not if his mom was right and all Tom had been looking for was a good fuck...

On the other hand, if he were to stay, his mother may never want to see him anymore either. What could Harry possibly do?

‘See you later,’ Harry managed to say helplessly, his hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He glanced at his mom. There was so much Harry wanted to say to Tom but he couldn’t. Not with her around. Harry found himself resenting his mother once more for getting in the way and then wondered to himself if he would resent Tom if he were to stay with him, for keeping him away from his mother.

Harry had kind of separated himself from his mother a long time ago, but he still loved her dearly. There was so much he wanted to do, things he needed. Tom reached out a hand to touch him and Harry’s heart started beating faster in anticipation, needing Tom’s skin on his just that last time, but Tom never reached him. His mom pulled Harry away from Tom as if pulling him away from a truck that was about to hit him.

‘There won’t be a later,’ Lily snarled, ‘this man has taken advantage of you – surely you do not expect me to let him  _touch_ you again?’

‘I’m – I’m not allowed to see Tom anymore?’ Harry stammered, tripping over his words in shock. His mother’s grip tightened on him and Harry winced and tried to get her to let go, but she wouldn’t let him. Harry swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat.

‘I did  _not_ take advantage of Harry,’ Tom sneered, ‘and it is not up to you to -’

‘You have no right of speaking, Tom! You are  _nothing_ to him!’

‘I am his boyfriend, I have every right of speaking!’

For a moment Harry thought his mom was going to slap Tom the way she had slapped Harry, and Harry couldn’t get over the shock that gripped him at Tom’s statement. It was a good kind of shock, though – a shock that spread warm tingles through Harry’s body, a shock that Harry had been waiting for for so  _long._

So Tom had already seen them as a couple. That’s why he hadn’t said anything about this to Harry. The thought made Harry smile.

Harry’s bubble was burst, though, as soon as his mother started talking again.

‘Now you listen to me,’ Lily hissed as she stepped closer, so close that if Tom would lean down he’d kiss her. Lily had finally released Harry’s arm. ‘You, Tom Riddle, are  _nothing_ but a child molester. You are a mislead, mentally ill, disgusting man. And if you dare to touch my son ever again I will have you arrested. I will not let you force him into doing things he doesn't want to do.’

‘Mom-’

‘Is that so, Lily?’ Tom asked. ‘Because that wasn’t what I understood from Harry last night.’

Lily’s eyes widened and Harry’s cheeks turned a dark shade of pink when both adults regarded him – Tom had made love to Harry after noticing Harry'd been crying into his pillow. Lily looked at him with disbelief and disgust, whereas Tom looked at him with an unreadable expression. Harry shifted.

Now or never.

‘Mom – I, I… I love Tom. I really do,’ he managed to say. He tried to find reassurance in Tom’s eyes but there was nothing. Not even an inkling of any emotion Tom might be feeling right now.

This was what Harry hated most about Tom.

And the worst was that he was entirely grateful for it too.

‘No, honey -’

‘Please don’t make me choose between you two,’ Harry choked out. His mom finally released his arm and Harry wrapped his arms around himself. Why was he getting teared up? This was nothing he couldn’t handle, in fact, he had anticipated this for a long time. To hear Tom saw him as his boyfriend, openly… It did things to Harry. ‘I love you both. Can’t we -?’

‘No, we can’t,’ Lily snapped. She pressed her lips in a tight line. ‘Either you come with me or you stay with  _him._ ’

She spat her last word out like it was something vile and Harry’s heart just  _ached._ What should he do? He helplessly looked at Tom but Tom still wasn’t speaking. Why wasn’t he speaking?

‘So that’s it? You just stop loving me if I decide to stay with Tom?’

‘Harry you’ve ruined enough!’

‘And if I come with you, huh?! Will I get to hear this every day? Will you tell me every day how much of a disappointment I am to you? How much of a victim you are?! Because I lost dad too, mom! And I took care of you these years too, and before I met Tom there wasn’t a damn thing I had for myself!’ Harry was standing next to Tom now, and something inside of Lily just seemed to snap when Tom rested his hand on the small of Harry’s back. She turned around again just like last time and started walking to her car, and Harry paused a moment before he started following her.

‘Harry-’ Tom called, walking after him. Harry ignored him, because this couldn’t be happening to him. He couldn’t seriously be losing his mom too, right?

‘Mom, where are you going?!’

‘Enjoy your life, Harry. Let’s hope he won’t do the same to you as he did to me,’ Lily sneered. Her red hair danced around her head when she finally sunk down into the driver’s seat and Harry had to jump to the side to avoid getting hit by her car when she drove off.

‘Mom!’ Harry yelled, trying to run after her car. He sobbed when Tom’s arms wound around him.

‘She just left,’ Harry choked, ‘why did she leave?’

Tom shook his head and glared at Lily’s retreating car.

‘Sometimes it’s easier to run from things than deal with them, Harry.’ It was all he said and it couldn’t soothe Harry. He just clutched Tom close and cried silently into his warm chest. Tom guided him inside and made him a cup of tea. Harry didn’t drink it up. He couldn't help but think that none of this would've happened if his dad hadn't died. He would've been normal, his mom would've loved him...   
  
And he wouldn't have met Tom.  
  
It would be easy to blame all of this on Tom right now. Wasn't Tom the one seducing Harry in the beginning? Yet as Harry glanced into Tom's eyes, he found he couldn't be mad at him at all. Not for long. There may be a lot of things that they weren't discussing, and maybe the only real fullfillment Harry got from this relationship was physical - and even that wasn't true all the time - but... He deeply loved Tom.   
  
And it had been Harry's own fault to tell his mom about everything they'd been doing behind her back without coming up with something with Tom first.

‘Tell me you love me,’ Harry finally stated. He had an empty look in his eyes and Tom looked at him in mild surprise, his eyebrows quirking up. Harry needed this. he needed to know that this was the right thing to have done, and he would take care of everything tomorrow.

Tom gazed at him.

‘…I love you,’ Tom finally mumbled. Their eyes met and Harry nodded. It didn't matter if Tom said that just to keep Harry from being a whiny kid. What mattered was that it made Harry feel a bit better about himself, about chosing Tom.

‘Okay.’

Tom kissed Harry’s forehead and Harry relinquished in the warm feeling it brought upon him. They spoke no more.


End file.
